then we planned by saying what we saw what we felt and what we wondered here are some of the words we came up with: I saw Shipwrecks Drained ocean boat junkyard submarine I fee; hot interested sandy Wondering How did the water dry up were are the other survivors will the water return.Then I read it for the success criteria here is the success criteria:1st a problem a solution vocabulary a setting beginning middle end and I would feedback on it and here is my final piece.
The Rainmaker
Coming over the horizon I find a dried up barren land by all the shipwrecks I think this was once an ocean I'm feeling really hopeless I'm trying to find a special part for the j44 oceanmaker. this can only be found in clouds and only the locals know how to get to it.I see a cloud and a lighthouse that’s still working all hope comes back.
Within seconds of that I spotted an abandoned power generator I decided to go land at the power generators when I land there was a great welcoming committee one person with a gun in his hand the only way the can destroy my ship is if he shoots out my engine which is a 1 in 12347898 chance to hit. so I look out the launch and I shoot him with a stun gun
I drag him inside into his mini shack next to the table and I decide to try and negotiate with him instead of waiting for him to wake up I splash him with water When he woke up I said to him “I'm here to negotiate with you¨ and he said “fine what do you want to offer”.I say to him “I want to know how to get up to the clouds to take the sky titanium out of it”.He said to me you're crazy I said to him I have a device that needs sky titanium to work and it filled the ocean with water the hands me a piece.
I shoot him and take it and chuck the device into the cloud I drag him into the water and I let the ocean maker do its thing.Tomorrow it's finished and I and my crew shoot down the lighthouse to never be reminded the end.
What a pity your character had to shoot instead of negotiate but I guess as the author you felt the character needed to be ruthless. I love how you begin by setting the scene and by explaining that the character feels 'hopeless.' This makes me as a reader want to know how the character is going to approach finding a solution.
ReplyDeleteDid you imagine who was in your crew?
I look forward to your next blog post.
thank you Mr Robertson I imaged that my crew some ruthless people and thank you for a helpful
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